Always faithful.

I feel like I’ve been learning a lot about myself. About God’s intentions through me.

Things that I already knew, under the surface, but He pulls them out bit by bit, showing me a little more of what He means to do.

He’s been working faithfully and continually.

Patiently walking beside me, watching me go from sitting in a hump on the ground to sprinting joyfully to falling down in tears again.

And when I finally learn to walk for longer periods, He just goes beside me, whispering truth and courage.

Even when I turn my face and listen to the wind instead.

Even though my faith has been so small.

My desire for Him so weak.

My weaknesses so strong.

My personal indulgence so high.

My understanding too large to pardon the limits of my action.

My inadequacy always remains smaller than His ability.

And He is always so faithful.

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Putting Aside Fear

I’ve had so many thoughts and ideas spinning through my head of late. It makes me want to write about them more than ever, yet it scares me out of it more than usual. My own education, my own intelligence, are not enough to address the topics my mind is mulling over. I am so small in the vast expanse of things – history, the universe, the future. Were I smarter, were I more advanced, were I more diligent, then I would have something to say.

There is always a fear. There is always an impediment. 

It doesn’t matter what you’re striving towards, what you’re longing for. Few things are gained without a test of strength. Will you press forward anyway, in spite of yourself, towards a bigger purpose – something greater than yourself, something that seems unimaginable? Or will you shrink back, to the normal, the close, the easy things. The parts of life that you know well, the things that you can’t really mess up too much. Your normal is so comfortable. What if you jumped out into the scary? Into the broken, hard, uncomfortable things? What would happen then?

Perhaps your list of ‘perhaps’es is too long, too overwhelming. Perhaps you tell everyone else to strive after their callings, their goals, their dreams. Perhaps their purpose is obvious, but yours seems too impossible, unreachable, unattainable. Perhaps you’re wrong.

It’s so easy to have faith, when it’s faith for another. It’s so easy to believe miracles happen, when they happen to another.

Where is the faith that your purpose is irreplaceable?

It might be a small purpose, it might be a big purpose.
But the thing of it is, it is your purpose.

What if we stopped being jealous of those who do great things, even stopped wishfully imagining how we would use their callings? What if we stopped judging the right and wrong of what everyone else is doing?

What if we dove into our own purpose, with the faith that it can change the world?

If I put aside my fears,
if I admit that my purpose is greater than my impediments,
then my purpose can be fueled by passion
and I can play my role in changing the world.